Stuck With Sai
by hippielicious
Summary: All the teenagers of Konoha have to attend a sex-ed class and Kyoko has the great luck of being stuck with Sai. Of course, Kyoko knows better than almost anyone as to why there should be a sex-ed class.
1. Sex Ed

I unlocked my apartment, holding my groceries in my available hand. As I opened my mail, I read an … interesting notice from the city. It read:

**Konoha Chunin,**

**You are ordered to report to Lecture Hall #4 for an important meeting along with some of your fellow chunin. Failure to comply will result in immediate suspension. Be there at 8:00 a.m. **

There was a date listed, and I have to admit, I was curious, but I wasn't too pleased at the prospect of being forced to endure a meeting. It would most likely be extremely dull, after all.

_I guess I won't be going on any missions tomorrow. Not that I've been going on many lately anyway, but still…_

Then, my doorbell rang and Saya was at the door, jumping up and down with energy. "Kyoko! Kyoko! Kyoko! Did you get the funny letter too?" She snatched the notice from my hand and read it over. "I got the same thing! What do you think it is?" She was being _so _loud. That was Saya, though. Loud and energetic.

"Probably just some boring meeting. I wonder if Ibiki knows?" I was muttering to myself more than Saya.

"I don't see why you like the guy so much. Daichi-sensei was way better, and plus Ibiki-sensei doesn't even take us on missions!"

"Ibiki-sensei needs to stay with the interrogation squad. Plus, we might have been able to go on missions alone, if Kai was here, but as he is indisposed at the moment, we have a two person team."

"Well, uhhh." Saya was trying to find a cool and sophisticated answer to match mine, but she thought of none so just decided to stay quiet. A good choice on her part, because Saya wasn't linguistically gifted. But then again, that's not why we were friends. "Anyway, how many chunin do you think will be there?"

"No idea. But, I have a funny feeling that the message is vague for a reason. We have to go, though, because I refuse to get suspended for any reason whatsoever."

"In that case, can I spend the night?"

"Why?" I asked this guardedly because I knew that if Saya were at my place, she would wreak havoc and I would never get to sleep.

"Because if I try to get up early at my house, I'll never get up."

"No."

"Why?" she whined. "Please?"

"No."

Needless to say, she ended up spending the night and I didn't get any sleep. Hoorah.

* * *

The next morning I needed to drag Saya out of bed, which was not an easy feat, considering she was not built with a tiny figure. (Not to be mistaken with fat.) And after no less than three cups of coffee, I felt like I could make it through the day without biting someone's head off. As if a miracle had occurred, we managed to make it to the meeting 15 minutes early.

There were a little over ten other teenagers there, all of which seemed to be within a year or two of our age. That's odd. I knew that there were plenty of adult chunins. Why would they have only the teenagers here? Despite being confused, Saya and I sat at one of the fourteen two-person tables. While I chose to take out a book, Saya chose to make up for lost sleep. Pfft. I never saw how anyone could fall asleep on a desktop.

It was difficult reading because most of the room was chatting rather loudly, so I gave up completely and looked around. Aha! There was one group I recognized. They were genin when I was. "Neji! Lee! Tenten!" I waved, and they recognized me pretty fast.

"Kyoko!" Tenten sang. We had been pretty close friends before we graduated the academy. However, afterward, we only saw each other occasionally. But, we were still quite friendly and her teammates were nice. We hugged, and I gave each of the boys a smile and a wave. "I hope you aren't too bored, I heard that your sensei was on maternity leave."

"I've been keeping busy, I just haven't been doing a lot of missions."

"I also heard about…Kai."

"Yeah…" Awkward.

"Okay everyone, take your seats." Iruka-sensei was at the front of the classroom. That's odd, I thought he only taught the children who haven't graduated from the academy yet. He coughed uncomfortably and began the lecture. I stabbed Saya awake with a pen. "All of you are probably wondering why you are here, and to put it bluntly, this is a sex-ed class." The entire class gasped. This was horrible news: no missions, no training, and for what? Looking at nasty pictures of private parts! I shuddered at the thought. "I am aware that this isn't all the teenage ninjas in Konoha, but it was decided that those being taught in the classes should be people who know each other pretty well. Because, it's awkward enough having to learn this, and they thought it would be even more awkward learning it with strangers."

The entire class muttered. Sex ed was hardly necessary for teenagers.

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto was waving his hand in the air. "What's sex?" It would appear that I spoke too soon. How old was this kid? 15? 16? How the hell did he _not _know what sex is?

"That, Naruto, is precisely why we're having this class. Far too many teenage ninjas don't know what sex is, and then there's a large group of others who know what sex is and are having it. Unprotected too. So, that is why this class exists. You will learn all you need to know, all you don't want to know, and some things you don't need to know in this class. I'll only be teaching for a couple of days, and then someone else will take over for me. Any questions so far." There was some disgruntled grumbling, but no actual questions, so he continued. "You have all been assigned partners that will remain your partners throughout the duration of the class. I'll read them off: Lee and Sakura."Lee jumped up and down with joy, and Sakura seemed all right with the arrangement. I began looking around the room to determine who I _definitely_ didn't want to be my partner. Naruto, for one.

"Neji and Tenten." Darn. I was hoping that if I couldn't get Saya, then I would at least get someone off Team Gai. I didn't really know anyone off the other teams. They seemed fine with the arrangement because they knew each other. I wouldn't have such a luxury.

"Saya and Kiba." There went my last chance. Now I would be with a stranger for sure. But hey, Saya was with a stranger too, and she wasn't complaining, even thought she probably wasn't extremely happy with the arrangement. It looked like the guy she was paired with was a little disappointed, too.

"Hinata and Shikamaru." The boy didn't look upset at all, although it appeared as though the two didn't know each other very well. However, the girl looked quite crushed. Had she been hoping to be paired with someone else?

"Ino and Chouji."

"Chouji?" the girl, for lack of a better word, screeched. "Damn it, I wanted Sai." Well, it certainly didn't take very good analytical abilities to see that she wasn't pleased with her partner, despite being team members. (I could tell who was and wasn't teammates because the teams all sat together.) Personally, I thought she was a little picky. At least she knew the guy she was working with.

Which brought to mind a question. Why were they pairing girls and guys only? Considering this was a sex ed class, it could only spell trouble. I sighed as Iruka continued reading off the list of partners. "Kyoko and Sai." I turned around to see who my partner was, and I noticed that a dark haired boy was looking around too. We locked eyes, realized we were each others' partners. Unlike other partners though, neither of us showed emotion when we realized who our partner was, because we were only one of two teams that didn't know each other whatsoever.

Finally, Iruka read off the last team. "We were trying to make all the teams co-ed but, it seems that we're going to have one team that isn't; Naruto and Shino." Neither boy looked happy. How odd.

"Now, I'll leave you the next half hour to let you get to know your partner. You'll be spending a while together, and be doing a lot of projects together, so be sure to get along. He sat at his desk then, and began scribbling on some notepads - most likely planning our tortuous lesson. "Sit with your partners." So that's why they had the two-person desks.

Saya walked over to her partner - Kiba - and my partner walked over to me. We just stared at each other for a moment, and he stared at me intently, as if trying to figure something out. "Well, uh, hi. I'm Kyoko. Your partner. And I guess you're Sai."

I gave him a fake smile - one that would easily deceive him and make him actually believe I wanted to be his partner. He gave me a fake smile in return, although it was much more forced, and looked extremely fake. "Wow. I sure didn't get the prettiest girl in here, did I?" I gave him a look that said 'Seriously? You're that immature?' He continued. "It's not that you're ugly. I mean, at least you have curves, unlike the Hag over there. And I'm sure you have all your feminine genitals, unlike Naruto who has no dick, but you're just so plain. And your hair is the same exact shade of groundhog. Plus, have you ever considered losing weight?"

"What the hell is wrong with you? You aren't here to judge my looks. We're here because we don't want to get suspended. So, you'll just have to deal with my less-than-appealing exterior for the time being, because we're partners." I hated to admit it, but his comments actually stung a little bit. Mostly because they were all true. "So, who did you want to be partners with?" We were supposed to get to know our partners, so that was exactly what I was going to do.

He stared for another minute before saying, "Naruto."

"_Naruto?_ But he's an idiot. You would fail the class for sure." We stayed silent, not even looking at each other for what seemed like the longest time. While all the other partners were conversing in a cordial, if not friendly, manner. Even Saya looked content with her partner Kiba. Our area of the room was the only one that was soundless. "And by the way, you're not so good looking yourself."

"Not according to Ino." Did he almost sound smug? The dick.

"Well, let's see. I've heard a thing or two about Ino. She was obsessed with Sasuke, and now she's obsessed with you because you resemble each other." He looked confused. "Come on, it's really obvious." I huffed. This was an extremely clueless boy.

"Okay, class, today we're just going to watch a movie." Iruka flicked off the lights and the room went dark, lit only by the glow of the projector.

It was some stupid movie about growing up and how about everyone was different. It was so god-awful that I could almost imagine falling asleep on the desktop and I began to understand how Saya managed it. This day marked the first day of my imprisonment in this hellish establishment where the teacher's prime concern was centered around genitals. And to make matters worse, I was stuck with this Sai guy.

**Author's Note:** **Well, I don't know where I'm going with this fanfiction, so who knows. Next time, Anko teaches a class, though. So if that piques your interest, tune in.**


	2. How I Came to be Called Groundhog Girl

I was stumbling back to the lecture hall the next morning after another sleepless night with Saya. Even coffee couldn't shake me out of this stupor, which was an extremely scary thought considering I relied solely on coffee for my wake-up needs. Of course, Saya skipped next to me as if she had gotten a good night's sleep every night of her life. "How the hell can you be so damn _happy_ all the time?" I gave her one nasty, sleep deprived look and all she did was giggle.

"How can you be so grumpy all the time?" She poked my nose playfully and I was about ready to cut all that pretty black hair off with my kunai. "So," she said, choosing to randomly change subjects. "How's your partner." My face must have said exactly whether or not I would give her an answer, so she went on blathering about her partner and how _cute_ he was and how _sweet_ he was and blah. Blah. Blah. "Now come on, Ms. Grumpy! Tell me about your partner; he looks cute too!

"Cute? Hardly. All he did after we met was insult me."

"Well, what did he say?"

"He said I was plain looking, that my hair was the same color of a ground hog's fur, and said I needed to lose weight. Yeah, he's _really_ my dream man! What. A. _Peach._ Next thing you know, he'll be criticizing me for not having a penis!"

"Come on, Kyoko. Nobody uses 'you don't have a penis' as an insult. I mean, it's a really stupid insult and only incredibly stupid people would actually take it seriously."

"Fine. You're right. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I really don't like him. I'll be glad when it's over. By the way, are you going to see Kai soon?" No answer. "I visited Daichi-sensei last week and she was fine, and so was her baby boy."

"It was a boy?"

"Yep."

"Interesting." She didn't sound all that interested. "So, that Sai guy is really hot, even though you don't like him."

"Is that all you're going to talk about?"

"Just answer the question, Kyoko." A sinister gleam was in her eyes, despite how sweetly she had spoken.

"You're asking if I think he's hot?" A sickeningly sweet nod. "I don't." Okay, so maybe I was lying a little bit. He was most certainly not an ugly boy. "He has a midriff, I don't care for his haircut, and his choice of clothing is questionable. Pair that was his mouth and you have an undesirable person."

"Uhh, Kyoko?"

"What?" I was not in the mood for Saya's brand of pestering. She pointed behind me and I turned slowly. There was the bastard standing there, in the flesh. He looked hurt and I felt my cheeks burning a bright crimson. My head swung back around and I sped towards the lecture hall double time. No way in hell was I talking to him now.

I plopped into my seat and squeezed my eyes shut, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration. Great. Just great. Now my already miserable situation was getting worse. Much to my dismay, only moments after I had arrived, so did my partner. At least he didn't do any talking, though.

But, once Anko entered, three minutes late, I might add, she did plenty of talking. "Now, we need to start the basics, here. Which means, we need to learn about -" Her eyes narrowed dramatically. "Genitals." She drew the word out really long, as if to install fear in us. I had fear all right. Fear of seeing Herpes and Genitals in the same picture. "Now! Let's start the basics. Boys, you have a dick. Girls, you have a vagina and a uterus. Now, what those organs have to do with each other is luckily, a unit I don't have to teach." At this, she chuckled a little bit, finding some humor in her comment. Probably because we weren't going to like who taught that portion of this ridiculous…education. She went on and on and showed really nasty pictures that I would rather not have seen.

After a while, and after many pictures involving the Herpes virus, Anko-sensei assigned us something. "You and your partner are to draw, in detail, the male and female reproductive systems and have them turned in by tomorrow. There is an art room across the hall." We all began shuffling towards the exit. "Oh, and only four to a table please," she sang.

Sai and I were the last people to have gotten our supplies, so there was only one table left: the one that had Naruto and Shino sitting at it. "Here, you do the female organs." Wow, that was the most Sai had spoken to me all day - not that I blamed him. I began scribbling on the paper he handed me, and casually listened to the conversation he was having with Naruto."

"Naruto-kun, how can you expect to accurately portray the male reproductive organs, when you yourself do not have a penis?" Seriously, did he just use the lack of penis insult?

"Shut up, Sai!" And see what witty retorts that Naruto can come up with! How original. But then again, Naruto wasn't the brightest. That much could be ascertained about him within a matter of seconds. Or, maybe that was just because I had spent too much time around Ibiki. Most likely the former. However, I was still embarrassed from earlier, so I just kept my mouth shut and continued working. At least Naruto's partner, Shino, didn't try to engage me in any type of conversation.

Unfortunately, Sai didn't ignore me for long. After Naruto became so mad at him that he refused to talk to him - how old was Naruto? Five? - Sai decided that I would be the best candidate for conversation. "So, you really don't like me, huh? It's okay, I completely understand. Even Naruto and Sakura didn't like me at first."

"Real shocker." Heavy sarcasm dripped of my tongue.

"You're shocked?" He obviously was one of the worst people ever at reading sarcasm.

"It's called sarcasm. Where the hell did you grow up? Under a rock?"

"No. I grew up in root."

"ANBU?" Well, that would account for his terrible people skills. He nodded. Damn it! Now I almost felt sorry for him. And everyone knows that you never feel sorry for the enemy.

"Where did you grow up, Groundhog Girl?" That's it! No more pity for you. I continued scribbling my terrible portrayal of the female reproductive organs. Then, when I peered over at Sai to see how far he was, he was already done, and it was really, really detailed. Disgusting. What did this guy do, draw porn for a living? "And just what are you looking at, Groundhog Girl?"

"Would you stop calling me that? I'm going blind from glancing at your drawing."

He looked like a confused child. "But, the book I'm reading says that giving people nicknames is a good way to become friends. I was up all night trying to think of one for you."

"Nicknames come from spending a great deal of time in a person's company, Sai," I huffed. "And generally, you don't want to give someone a nickname that will offend them. For instance, you don't call someone who is overweight 'The Heavyweight Champion'. Because, most likely, they're sensitive about their weight."

"So, Fatso would be out of the question then?"

"Yes!" He then began scribbling what I had said into a notebook. "Don't tell me you were actually considering giving someone that nickname." My skin blanched to match his skin tone.

"Oh, I already tried to nickname someone that." My skin blanched, if possible, even more than it had before. There was something mentally wrong with this boy. "By the way, your drawing looks as if a five-year-old drew it." I really couldn't argue with him there.

"Just try to avoid nicknames for now."

"Well, could you at least give me some ideas. What are some of your nicknames?"

"No way in hell."

"They can't be that bad."

"No way in hell." My patience had already been worn thin by Saya and lack of sleep, and now Sai was just testing my patience even more.

"Would it be okay if I asked who you would have wanted your partner to be?"

"If the partners didn't have to be co-ed, then I would have chosen Saya." I pointed to her across the room. He nodded. "But, if I had to chose a guy to be my partner, I guess I would chose Lee or Neji."

"I find Lee irritating."

"Well, I find Saya irritating sometimes, but we're still best friends."

"What's it like to have a best friend?"

"Well, my dad always used to say that a friend is someone who knows you, but loves you anyway. Friendships don't always make sense. I can think of many occasions when I've wanted to strangle Saya." Her voice rang clearly in my mind. _'Come on, Grumpy-chan, stop being such a stick in the mud!'_ Yep.

"That's confusing."

"It means that a friend will stay your friend, despite your flaws."

"So, if we were friends, I would overlook your plain and slightly overweight exterior?"

"One more toe out of line and I'll alter your exterior for the worst. You won't be able to look in the mirror without breaking it." I paused. "If I were your friend, that would mean I would ignore your obvious lack of people skills and grin and bear your insults."

We finished out projects early, a lot earlier than the clueless idiots who had never even considered that the opposite sex may have their own different reproductive organs. Naruto, for instance.

Sai seemed to be concentrating on Saya, and I looked in her direction. She and Kiba weren't anywhere near being done with the project and yet they were goofing off. "Come on Kiba-Kun," she whined playfully. "Give me back my forehead protector." She continued giggling playfully, having mastered the art of stupid flirting. Jumping up and down trying to grab the headband that Kiba held out of her reach, she looked exactly like a teenage girl should look: playful; funny; girlish, but not too girly and annoying; stupid; I could go on and on. I turned back to Sai and he was scribbling in his notebook again. Observing their behavior and noting it. What was he up to now?

As I was walking out through the street just outside of the lecture hall, I began digging through my bag to find my ID for the Konoha Interrogation Squad, but couldn't find it. I jogged casually back to the room we were in and searched the floor. Nothing. _Did I leave it at my apartment?_ So I began running back to my apartment, as quickly as I could, because if I was late, Ibiki would bite my head off. I turned everything over all over my apartment, not finding a single trace of my ID. Suddenly, I heard someone enter through the Body Flicker Technique. I swung around and immediately threw kunai at my attacker.

He caught every single one before I realized that it was Sai. "Sai! What the hell are you doing in my apartment?"

"Looking for this?" He held up my ID.

"You found that? Thanks!" For the first time, he was actually being nice. But, as I reached for it, he held it obnoxiously out of my reach. "Hey! Give it back!"

My annoyed tone made a confused look cross his face. "Why are you annoyed? I thought this was what friends did. It made your friend Saya giggle."

"I have to get to work and the only way I can get in is if I have that ID. Now give it back Sai!" Okay, I was through with being nice. I kneed him in the balls and while he was falling in agony, I punched him.

I was late to work, though. Stupid Sai.

**Author's Note: Hello, those of you who are reading this. I hope my story is sort of funny. I only say sort of because I suck at writing funny stories. D: Oh well, leave your lovely reviews and I'll try to update soon!**


	3. It Only Gets Worse

We had one more lesson with Anko-sensei and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Saya had decided to spend the night at her house - finally! - so that meant that I got a good night's sleep and got to the lecture hall early. Which means, long before Sai! Yes! I sat down and enjoyed some peace.

The entire class was nearly assembled and Anko was just about ready to start when Sai arrived late. He had a black eye from my punching him yesterday and many of the girls in the room shouted in protest. Ino's voice in particular stood out. "Sai-kun! Who did this to you?" Sai ignored her and sat down as quietly as possible, trying to avert attention from himself.

Anko glared at him, but continued. "Okay, today I'm going to have a nice, long, friendly chat with you boys. It's time for you to be informed. About once a month, we females have feminine problems that involve blood."

Naruto waved his hand around. "Anko-sensei? What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about periods. Leaking blood from the vagina. Crazy hormones. Headaches. Cramps that cripple. All of that comes with being a woman, and comes with having a period. So, any boys think that being a woman is easy." Her eyes narrowed. "Nobody? Good. Because being a female sucks. We leak blood once a month, and then men want us to carry their babies! What audacity! Time for a video!" The room went dark and a video about periods.

It was cheesy and old. The girls in movie were giving each other period advice, including talking about how tampons didn't take away your virginity. Ew. I already knew that, but I glanced back at Saya when that part came on and her face went from blank to shocked. "I didn't know that! I'm going to the store right after this to buy tampons after school! And Kyoko, you're coming with me!" I sank deeper into my seat, trying to conceal myself from view. She was could announce that she wanted to have sex with Kiba for all I cared, but why did she have to drag me into her antics? When I sank down, I realized that Sai had sunk down into his chair as well to avoid the stares of everyone. His black eye looked pretty painful and I almost felt sorry for him. _Almost._

After the video, Anko-sensei went on another rant about female rights, when Lee interrupted. "Anko-sensei! What…about…" That poor boy never had a chance to finish his sentence. Her vengeful, cold eyes quickly froze him midsentence and he looked just about ready to pee his pants.

"What were you saying, boy?" she growled.

"What happens to boys during puberty?" He entire body went rigid with terror, fearing what she might do to him for merely speaking. What retribution would there be?

"What happens_ to boys_ during puberty you ask? Nothing! Unless you count wet dreams! Boys know nothing of the pain females go through! Nothing!" Her exuberance was getting more tiring by the second. "Now, class is over for the day. You'll have a new teacher for tomorrow."

* * *

Kakashi was our teacher through the rest of the week. First day, he started talking about sex the moment he walked in the door. And the really sick thing about it was that he seemed to enjoy talking about it. Next thing we knew, we were forced into a reading assignment. Make-out paradise was a horrendous, 300 page tome. Every page I read scarred my mind even further than it already had been by this unspeakable class I was forced to attend. In other words, my eyes were burned out of their sockets. Then, we had to learn about STDs. That was almost as bad as reading the pervy book. We went over every. Single. STD there was. Then we learned whether it was a parasite, viral, or bacterial. Then we learned whether it could be passed from a pregnant woman to her child. Then we learned possible treatments for STDs.

When I got home after STD day, I collapsed on my bed, thankful that I didn't have work, and fell asleep. I figure that it was most likely a form of protection for my fried brain. For the first time ever, I remembered all the dreams I had that night.

In the first dream, Anko sensei was trying to kill me with various tools. Hammers, nail guns, screwdrivers, that kind of stuff.

In my next dream, I was defeating a member of the Akatsuki with some really awesome ninja moves, but then Naruto came in and tried to upstage me! He was doing jutsu that were completely impossible. Jutsu that didn't even exist. It was stupid.

Then I had a dream that I was the only single woman in Konoha. It was terrifying, especially the part where Saya and Kiba were getting married. And Naruto had contracted Herpes from Sasuke. And then there was only one single man in Konoha, too: Shino. I asked him out. Bad idea. He said he would never date me because I was too fat!

I had three very similar, and equally as random dreams. When I woke up, at four in the morning, I threw up in the toilet and decided that I must have eaten some bad fruit or something, and that's why I had such freaky dreams.

Even after I had done everything I could possibly do to be ready, it was still only 6 o'clock and the class wouldn't start for another two hours. I had even cleaned my entire house! So, strapping a watch to my wrist I went to the library to pick up some scrolls so I could learn some powerful jutsu. One that Naruto couldn't possibly upstage. I'll admit it, that nightmare was the scariest of them all.

Once I had found a really old scroll that showed how to absorb chakra from your enemy, I strolled towards the school and still managed to make it half an hour early. Kakashi-sensei was reading his book, so I sat down and began reading my scroll. It was all really high level, and it would take me at least a month to learn this jutsu, but it was powerful and I understood everything it was saying in the scroll, so it would definitely be worth it.

Kakashi suddenly said something that sent chills down my spine. "Okay, children, there are four large boxes outside and I would like you to bring them in. Anyone who peeks in them will suffer Konohagakure's Hidden Secret Taijutsu Technique: One Thousand Years of Death." Okay, this could not be good. He must have some sort of appalling lesson planned that involves whatever was in that box. We did as he instructed and set the boxes by his desk, then we slowly sat down, more cautious than ever.

"Okay, class, so far we've talked about sex, and one of the problems that arise from having it. STDs. Now, what else can happen if you have unprotected sex?" He continued reading that ghastly book. Sakura tentatively raised her hand. "Yes?"

"Unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy."

"Yes, very good. There are many symptoms of pregnancy, ladies. Missing your period, morning sickness, tender breasts. I'm sure that most of you know them. Now, what are your options, should any of you ever have an unplanned pregnancy?" A few more girls raised their hands. "Tenten."

"Abortion."

He nodded. "That is the choice that many female ninjas choose. Ino."

"Adoption."

"Another option. Carrying the baby full term and giving it to someone else. Saya." He indicated towards my friend.

"Keeping the baby."

He nodded. "That choice has not been nearly as popular in the past as it has become now. Many teenage ninja mothers believe that they would make excellent parents. They think that they can manage it. I'm not saying that they can't, although there are many who don't make good parents, what I'm saying is that many teenage mothers find out the hard way that parenting isn't a walk in the park. The point of this class is to educate you that parenthood isn't easy, and we're teaching you this because Konoha can't afford for all its young kunoichi to be out of commission for almost a year. Pregnant ninjas can't do missions, and then they get maternity leave for three months after the baby is born. That is almost a year that they're out of commission. So, instead of telling you how much parenthood can suck, we're going to show you." He opened up one of the boxes and pulled out something unspeakable. "Ladies, for the next few days, you'll be wearing these pregnancy suits, and you'll only be allowed to take them off when you shower." Some of the boys in the room began laughing. Of course they would, they weren't the ones that would have to wear the suits."So, you boys think it's funny? Well then, in that case, you boys will have to wear them for a day as well!" He smiled under his mask as all the boys protested.

Just when I thought that the pregnancy suit thing would be the end of this godforsaken class, Kakashi had to shatter all my hopes and dreams. "That's not the end of it, there's more. Afterwards, you and your partner will have to care for a baby doll that will cry, wet itself, vomit, and do many other things that real babies do. You'll have to care for the baby for a couple of months. And, there is a block of small houses that you and your partners will live in, as if you are a real married couple." Months? It would be months that I was stuck with Sai. Months? I couldn't believe this. It was awful. It was unmentionable. It was doomsday! Plus, I would actually have to live with him. "Okay, girls, go find loose clothing, because you're going to have to put the suits on now." Naruto was snickering. "I don't know what you're laughing about Naruto. You'll either be wearing the suit now or when the other boys do."

"What? Kakashi-sensei, Shino and I are both guys!"

"I know. We tried to make all the partners co-ed, but there were more boys than girls, so one of you has to put the suit on now."

"That's not fair!"

"You think it's unfair? I was also part of the alternative couple when I took this class. And guess who I was paired with."

_Flashback_

The teacher was reading out names for partners and Kakashi Hatake was not in a good mood. He would much rather be perfecting his new move, Chidori, instead of learning about sex. And now, even during a time of war, the girls would have to wear pregnancy suits and both genders would have to care for a fake baby? It was ridiculous. Finally he heard his name.

"Hatake Kakashi, and Maito Gai." Kakashi turned his head slowly towards the dark-haired, green jump-suited teenager.

"Do not worry, Hatake! I shall bear the burden of our child with youthful enthusiasm!" He put on the pregnancy suit on and it was one of the worst sights Kakashi had ever had to behold.

_End Flashback_

"So you see, Naruto. There are many worse situations than the one you are in now."

"Fine. But Shino is the one wearing the suit!"

"But Naruto," Shino interrupted in his strange Shino way of speaking. "I do not want to wear that suit. It is atrocious."

"Besides, Naruto," Sai intervened. "You don't have a dick, therefore you should be the one wearing the suit."

As Naruto continued arguing with his partner, although he ended up wearing the suit anyway, I realized that this was going to be a long, tedious, project.

"Wow, Groundhog Girl, you look even fatter now."

"Would you stop calling me that!"


	4. Kai

"Now," Kakashi-sensei said. "The houses you'll be living in for the next two months are only one bedroom, because of budget cuts, so you and your partner will have to sleep in the same room. Sorry. Oh, and the city of Konoha realizes that you're probably not happy at this situation." A noise that sounded awfully similar to that of a growling cat emanated from the crowd. "So, as an apology, the city offers you and your partner a free dinner tonight at Shiori's Café. Have fun!" He left directions to the block of small houses we'd be living in on the board. I figured we might as well start walking.

"My apartment isn't too far from here so I'll pick up my stuff there. But, first I have to go to my mom's apartment and tell her what's going on with this project. Then I guess we'll swing by your house," I grumbled. Having to live with Sai, paired with having to look and feel pregnant, had not put me in a good mood.

"You're doing really good at acting like a hormonal pregnant woman." He had that stupid fake smile plastered on his face again. I felt the deepest and most instinctual urge to smack him.

"Keep it up. Just keep it up and see where it gets you." I stuffed my hands in my pockets.

"Are you always in a bad mood?"

"No." But, I said it so quickly and defensively that anyone else would have thought I was being defensive. However, since this was Sai, he most likely didn't notice.

"Sakura says that I probably hurt your feelings when I called you overweight."

"Pfft. Now you suddenly think of that possibility. Don't worry, I don't intend to cry myself to sleep over your comments. I've got other, exponentially more important, things to worry about other than what a boy thinks about my looks."

"Well, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

"You didn't. No need to apologize." I said this curtly, but he didn't detect the edge to my voice so he looked relieved.

"Good. I hate it when I offend people." What one earth did I do to deserve the punishment of living with this guy for the next few months. Hey, Ino! I'll trade you! Chouji wouldn't call me overweight. "Groundhog Girl - "

"For the last time! Stop calling me that!"

"But the book says -"

"I don't care what the damn book says, Sai-san! Don't call me that!"

"Alright…Kyoko…san."

"Thank you. What was it you were going to ask?"

"Why is it that you got so mad when I took your ID? Kiba-kun did it with you friend Saya-san and she laughed so why didn't you?"

"Kiba was flirting with Saya, first of all."

"What's flirting?"

"Look it up in a book. Anyway, when you flirt like that, you typically take an item of little importance and give it back eventually. I'm guessing you weren't trying to flirt with me, and I'm also guessing that you just didn't get it." He nodded. "You know, I think you try to hard at this whole making friends thing. Just relax a little. Socializing is a natural instinct with humans, it'll come to you eventually."

"Thank you for the advice…Kyoko-san. Is it okay if I call you that? Is it awkward or too formal because of the honorific?"

"No. It's perfectly fine."

We arrived at my house, and I was about to walk in and just leave him there, but I decided to forgive him for the nickname because he was calling me something else now. "Do you want to come in?"

"Is that alright? I haven't gotten to the part about going over to someone's home in my book."

"It's fine. Just don't talk to anyone for now. I don't know how I'd explain it to my mom if you said something weird." We stepped inside and I was accosted by the little arms of three toddlers.

"Onee-san! You're back! We missed you! And you're fat!" I don't know why, but my siblings were always happy to see me. Maybe it was because I had my own apartment and wasn't here every day, or maybe it was because they were insane. But somehow, they found my personality, which bites, by the way, attractive in some way or another.

"Yeah, I'm back. Sai-kun, you better come with me. I don't trust you alone."

"Onee-chan! Is he your boyfriend?"

"Nope."

"Your friend?"

"Nope. He's my partner." I strolled over to the restaurant portion of our home and found my mother. I quickly explained why I looked pregnant and described my situation. She understood quickly enough and sent me on my way.

I picked up some things in my apartment and Sai picked up some things in his. Before too long, we found ourselves on the little block where all us young ninjas would be living. It soon became clear that we weren't the only two partners having issues. The girls had formed into one little group and the boys into another. "I'll meet you at the house in five minutes." I walked over to the little convergence of girls and looked around.

"Kyoko-chan!" I was immediately wrapped in a suffocating hug that I didn't return.

"Hello, Saya."

"Still grumpy about Sai?"

"You guessed it." I looked her over. "It's so weird seeing you pregnant-looking."

"You too, Grumpy-chan. Especially since the other kunoichi and I have bet that you would die a virgin."

"Die a virgin?" I felt a little part of my soul leave my body. I didn't want to die a virgin. And why the hell was my supposed best friend telling the others that I would never have sex in my life?

"Yeah. Because you're so uptight." The worst part was, I couldn't correct her because it was true. "But isn't it great? I get to spend so much time with Kiba now!" Yeah. Great. She went into another spiel about how great Kiba was and I looked at all the other girls.

"Do you know how awful it will be living with Chouji?" Ino screeched. "We have to pay for our own food, without the help of parents, and we won't be able to afford all the food he eats. I want Sai!" She glared at me as if it were all my fault.

"But Ino," I said. "You are pregnant with Chouji's child. Would you abandon him now?" She tried to punch me but Sakura held her back. "Is anybody else as upset as Ino?" They all shook their heads.

"We were here comforting Ino," Sakura explained as she kept the screaming female from killing me. "Lee-san is nice. I don't mind being partnered with him."

"I'm fine with Neji," said Tenten.

"And I know how you feel about your partner." I stared at the hearts that had replaced Saya's eyes. She was being so typically enthusiastic. "Hinata?"

"Shikamaru-kun…is…nice." From my experience around my fellow chunin, I had learned that Hinata had a titanic crush on Naruto. So, she was disappointed, but not complaining.

"Well, I gotta go." I slowly headed back to the little house, turned on the lights, and began brewing some tea.

Sai stepped in a few minutes later. "Do you want to go to the free dinner at Shiori's Café?"

"Sure. It's free isn't it?"

* * *

We arrived at the Café and everyone's senseis were there. Gai-sensei, Kakashi-sensei, Kurenai-sensei, and Asuma-sensei. I assumed they were all there just to make fun of their students. Sai and I got a booth in the back, away from everyone and ordered our meals. "So how did all of the guys react to spending all this time around the opposite sex."

"It varied. Naruto-kun was mad because he was with Shino-kun and Shino-kun felt the same. Kiba-kun was pleased. Chouji-kun didn't mind Ino-san. Shikamaru-kun actually looked pleased with his partner. The only two who really complained were Naruto and Shino."

"Ino was the only one who complained among the girls." We sat there in utter silence for a while, sipping tea. "Nice weather we're having, isn't it?" Sai just stared at me. Great, now the guy who couldn't socialize worth shit was staring at me as I was crazy.

"My book says that asking personal questions can help create a friendship."

"Good luck with that."

"Would it be okay with you if I asked you come personal questions?"

"Shoot."

"Why don't you live with your mother?"

"Oh, that's easy. She has enough trouble putting food on the table without an extra mouth to feed. So, I went off on my own and give her money. I make enough as a ninja to pay for my own needs and to help her out. I didn't move out because we don't get along, if you were thinking that."

"I wouldn't know anything about parent child relationships because I don't have parents."

"I think you're the most screwed up person I've ever met."

We didn't speak at all for the rest of the meal and walked home in silence. In fact, the only other time we talked that night was when he asked me if it was okay for him to hand his paintings on the wall.

"You don't mind, do you."

"No." I had glanced at one of the paintings when he was pulling it out of his bag, and it was really good. "Wow. Your artwork is amazing."

"Thank you."

_

* * *

_

Sai's P.O.V.

One morning, Kyoko was spending an unusually long amount of time on her hair. She spent very little time getting ready in the morning, and it really showed. I decided to ask her where she was going. It was too early for either of us to go to work.

"Don't worry about it. I'll get to work on time. It isn't any of your business." That was odd. She was usually pretty open with me. What on earth could she be doing? It was just then that I remembered the advice that Gai-sensei had given me before Kyoko-san and I had left the Café.

_Flashback_

"Youthful man, I'm going to give you some important advice about this project. Treat that woman as if she were actually carrying your child." He pointed to Kyoko, who was wearing her pregnancy suit. "Pretend she's carrying your child and treat her as such and you're guaranteed an A in the class. Boy does this bring back memories of my youth! Kakashi and I made the best alternative couple ever!"

_End Flashback_

I took his advice to heart and tried to think of what I would do if Kyoko were actually pregnant. Would I follow her?

I decided to follow her to make sure she wasn't participating in any risky behavior. I was concerned when she entered a hospital. She walked at a brisk pace, knowing exactly where she was going, and entered a room. "Hi Kyoko." There was a woman inside. A nurse?

"Hi, Ren. How is he?"

"The same, I'm afraid."

Kyoko sighed. "It's not as if I expected any different." The nurse walked out of the room, failing to notice me, and I could hear Kyoko inside talking to someone. "Hi, Dad. How's it going?" She continued talking, but I didn't hear anyone answering her.

After a while, she left the hospital, and headed towards a residential area, entering a house that was just down the block from her own. I peeked in the window. When she rang the doorbell, a boy, about Kyoko's age, with blonde hair answered the door. "Hello, Kai. Behaving yourself, I hope?" She didn't even wait for him to invite her in. "Where's Mika?"

"I'll call her. Mika!" A blonde girl, again, about the same age as Kyoko, walked into the room. She was pregnant, and it didn't look like she was wearing the pregnancy suit. The boy, Kai, walked out.

"Hi." Kyoko's face, for the first time, took on a gentle appearance. "How's it going? You're due soon, right?"

Mika nodded. "Yeah. Two weeks."

"I hope Kai isn't being irresponsible. He's doing everything you say right?"

She sighed. "Not exactly. He's not thrilled about me wanting to keep the baby. But, then again, no one is. Kyoko, what would you do?"

"In all honesty, if I were in your situation I would have an abortion. But, it's too late for that, so I guess after that I would give it up for adoption. But, it's your decision."

"I'm lucky that Kai has such a responsible teammate. Otherwise he probably just would have abandoned me."

"I know. Kai doesn't like being responsible for anything. He is a horrible person, deep down."

"I still fell for him."

"Yes, well I'm still his friend."

"What a stupid boy he is," they said simultaneously.

"Don't worry, I'll talk to him," Kyoko sighed. "I'm sure he's enjoying the paternity leave, though." She looked like was going to kill that boy when stood up. "Contact me after the baby's born. I'll whip Kai into shape and I'll make sure he's there for you."

She found that Kai on the front porch, moping. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She kicked him off the porch.

"Hey!" He rubbed his head. "I didn't ask for this. My life sucks. I didn't want to be a father. I didn't want to be a ninja."

"Well, you're a good ninja, so deal with it. You're coming back after your paternity leave is up! And you make sure that you go along with whatever Mika decides to do, you jerk. You're going to need to be responsible for this all, so get used to it." Kyoko stalked off and found me standing there watching. "Oh hell!"

She grabbed my arm and dragged me off in the direction of where she worked. "You don't tell anyone. Mika is embarrassed enough."

"Okay." She was so angry I was actually scared that she would attack me like Sakura-san sometimes did.

"Why the hell were you following me anyway?"

"My pregnant wife went somewhere and refused to tell me where she was going. I had a right to be concerned."

"Whatever."

She looked really tired. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm just sick of having to babysit him. Compared to him, you're a saint."

"Who were you visiting in the hospital?"

"My dad. He's been in a coma for a couple years now. From a mission. He was a ninja." She looked at the watch on her wrist. "I have to go to work. Remember, don't tell anyone about Mika." She scurried off and I felt relieved that she hadn't hit me.


	5. The Dolls Arrive

After a week of walking - waddling - around in that suit, I was just about ready to strangle someone. Thankfully, it was time to go back to the lecture hall and get our 'babies'. Just thinking about it made my lip curl. A few months taking care of a fake baby with Sai was enough to make anyone want to be sick. I arrived at the establishment, and of course, like a puppy, Sai was right behind me. He was still putting on this 'concerned for his "pregnant wife"' act, and I didn't like it. I didn't get it, and I didn't want to.

All the girls and boys sat down, the former looking really exhausted, and standing at the front of the room was Kakashi, Yamato, and Gai. Kakashi started. "Now, because the boys seemed to think it was so funny that the girls had to wear those pregnancy suits, the boys will wear those suits for the rest of the day. Girls, you can take them off." Every female in the room had that suit on for about another three seconds.

Once all the boys had the suits on and looked really uncomfortable, Yamato coughed to quiet the room down. "You've all been told you'll be receiving your 'babies' today and that's true, but first you need to watch a video.

Everything else that we had seen in that classroom before then had been mere child's play in comparison to that video. It was a video of a woman giving birth, and it represented all that was unholy in the world. Two hours of screaming, blood, and gore. As it turns out, after that, there were a couple teenagers in that room who had themselves rendered sterile after watching that video.

Afterwards, Yamato brought out a box full of baby dolls. So we were finally getting our 'babies'. "Okay, when I call your names you are to come up and receive your baby. Oh, by the way, some of you will be receiving more than one baby. Twins or triplets, because sometimes pregnant teenagers can have more than one baby." So, they were planning on torturing us even more by making us take care of even more plastic babies. I stared over at Sai, who was currently wearing the suit. It was almost worth going through all this crap to see Sai in that suit. It was hilarious!

"I'll begin then. Naruto and Shino!" Both boys went up to the desk. "Here's your baby. It's a boy." He hit an on switch and handed the thing to Naruto. They had, by the way, made the baby actually look like it could belong to the boys. It had Shino's brown hair, but Naruto's hair style and the spaz's blue eyes. The minute it touched Naruto, it began wailing and deafening everyone in the room. Naruto, needless to say, had no clue was to do and began jumping up and down in panic, causing it to cry even louder.

"Naruto, you're doing it wrong." Shino took the doll and within a few seconds, the thing _stopped _crying, which was the exact opposite of what I expected, considering it was Shino holding it.

As the two boys sat down, Yamato called out the next two. "Hinata and Shikamaru! You were the lucky two to get twins. Both girls." Each one took a baby. Again, they tried to combine the traits of both parents in the two dolls. Each one had the hair color of one of the parents, and they both had the Byakugan. I looked at the extremely red-faced Hinata who looked embarrassed - big surprise - and stared at Naruto.

Kiba and Saya got a baby boy; Chouji and Ino got a girl; Sakura and Lee got triplets, lucky them, right?; Neji and Tenten got a boy; and finally, Sai and I got a girl.

Gai took the reins then. "Time for you to find a youthful name for your baby, or _babies_ in the case of that youthful rascal, Lee. When I call out your name, say the name you have chosen for your child! Naruto and Shino!"

Naruto immediately covered up the area where he guess that Shino's mouth was and shouted, "Sasuke!" The room got quiet. We all knew that Naruto had a less than average mental capacity, but this was beyond what I could even imagine. Had his obsession with Sasuke grown even bigger? I think so.

We moved on anyway.

I stared at Sai while everyone was thinking up ideas. "Any ideas?"

"I don't care. You choose." He was staring blankly at the baby doll we had been given.

"Hell if I know what I want to choose." I thought for a minute, though and just chose the random name Mizuki.

"How the heck did our baby get violet eyes? I know that the black hair is mine, but I don't have violet eyes."

"They're mine, you idiot," I hissed. "I have violet eyes."

He stared at my eyes. "I didn't notice. I thought your eyes were the same color as your hair." I had thought that maybe our relationship might improve if we spent more time together, but no such luck. He was still making fun of me.

"Kyoko and Sai?" Gai expected the name we chose.

"Mizuki." I didn't even look at my sensei. I was too busy with my arms crossed glaring at Sai.

Yamato continued. "Now that that's all out of the way, there are baby supplies being put in your temporary houses as we speak. So here's a few rules. There are cameras in all the room of your house except the bathroom, so we'll know if you just leave your baby on the floor or something along those lines. You have to have a sitter while you and your partner are at work. Because, you both still have to pay bills. You get today off to get used to your new child, though."

Sai and I trudged towards our house, holding the most unwelcome doll. The minute we stepped in, the thing started crying and it was a struggle to figure out what was wrong. It was then that I knew I wouldn't be able to live through the next few months, and keep my sanity. "What are we going to do about a sitter? Money's tight."

"I don't know anyone." Of course he didn't.

"I could ask my aunt, I suppose."

Thankfully the doorbell rang after that, so I could have something, anything, to distract me from Sai. It was Saya. She was holding her little 'boy' who she and Kiba had named Akira. It looked almost exactly like Saya except for its little markings on its cheeks that were the same as Kiba's. She actually didn't look all that upset about the project. Well, then again, she wasn't paired with the most clueless and blunt boy on the planet.

"Kyoko!" she sang. "There's a Barbeque at Chouji and Ino's tonight. We have to bring our own food, though. Ino was pretty adamant about that. Why is your baby crying so much?"

"We don't know," I groaned.

She handed me her baby and took ours, eventually finding out that it was hungry. "Okay, now that that's taken care of, let's go to the store, Kyoko!"

"Can you watch it for a while?" I jabbed my thumb at the doll, which was now sitting quietly in a carrier. Sai nodded and I headed out with Saya, who was happily carrying her quiet baby.

We got food for the barbeque and Saya decided that she had to have ice-cream that very minute. We found a place that sold it and sat down at a bench. "I take it things aren't going too well with you and Sai."

"Not exactly. Actually, I shouldn't be mad at him because he's found out about Kai and Mika and he hasn't told anyone."

"Well, that's nice." Again, she took on her Saya-type disinterest that she showed when she had something 'of the utmost importance' to tell me. "So, what do you think of Kiba, Kyoko? Do you think he's hot?"

"I've never even met the guy. Is he your boyfriend now or what?"

"Just answer the question and all will be revealed."

"I don't think he's hot. He's not my type."

Saya looked relieved. "Phew! Good, because I didn't want you stealing my man from me."

"Saya, even in the event that I did like Kiba, he would never choose me over you. That's just the way it is."

"Awww. Don't get so down on yourself. There's a boy out there somewhere for you, I'm sure of it!"

"Like who."

She said 'uhhh' for about five minutes until she noticed Shino nearby. "Like Shino!" She looked so proud of herself that I couldn't break her heart and tell her that Shino kind of scared me, and that he was currently talking to bugs.

"Gee, thanks." I was, however, sure to add sarcasm to my answer.

* * *

At the barbeque, it was mostly the girls that got stuck with the babies, and the groups split by gender. So the girls sat in a circle in Ino and Chouji's yard, eating our meals and discussing how annoying our partners are.

"Lee never shuts up during the day, and he snores at night! I think its physically impossible for him to be quiet." At least Lee had taken one of their baby dolls while Sakura was stuck with the other two. I had a feeling that Sakura wasn't going to be getting any sleep in the next few months. "I just let him choose the names." Sakura kind of glared at the two babies she was stuck with. One of the two boys, and the girl. Both of which had her pink hair, and one had her green eyes.

"What did he name them?" asked Tenten.

"Kenichi, and Osamu for the boys and Kokoro for the girl."

"That's not so bad."

"I know, but Lee is one of those people you like in small doses, but you don't want to live with." I nodded, understanding her problems.

She wasn't the only one with complaints, though. "Neji always leaves the seat up! And he sometimes forgets to flush! It's disgusting!" Her baby was a carbon copy of Neji named Hideki.

Even Hinata was fired up. "Shikamaru never does anything! He just sits there once he comes home from work! He expects me to do everything!" That was something that all the girls felt right now. We were all stuck with the babies, expected to do everything. Hinata was stuck with two, even! Satomi and Michiko. Sakura was stuck with three.

As it turns out, Ino was the only one not complaining, a complete turnaround from last time. "She was holding the little baby with little swirlies on its cheeks. "Chouji is actually considerate. He cooks everything and he's actually a big help. He listens to me and…" She looked down in embarrassment, having been wrong.

We were all pissed.


	6. Kyoko's Feelings and Saya's Advice

"I didn't know that men could complain so much when they were living with a pretty girl." Sai obviously didn't understand guys. "They were all whining about their partners nagging them."

"The girls were nagging for good reason. Neji apparently never remembers to flush the toilet. That's just disgusting."

"You don't nag."

It took me a moment to realize that he wasn't insulting me. "Excuse me? Did I just hear a comment that wasn't discourteous? You must be in a really good mood or something."

"Did you complain about me?" He almost looked like a kicked puppy and despite not particularly liking him, it made me a little sad that I didn't compliment him while I was around the other girls.

"No. Compared to some of the other boys, you aren't so bad. I've just been in a bad mood since this entire sex ed thing started, and I've been taking it out on you. I apologize. Just don't think you'll be getting another apology, because I don't generally give them out. Especially to boys, seeing as how most of them are assholes."

"Am I an asshole?"

"Not even close. Jerk is more of a word that I'd think of. But congratulations, you've been improving. Come to think of it, what did you say about me? You must of said something with that overly large mouth of yours."

"I said that you didn't nag me, you kept the apartment clean, and you didn't hit me."

"When in hell did hitting come up?"

"Sakura has hit Lee a couple of times for being an idiot. You only hit me once."

"You stole my ID, and I got yelled at by Ibiki-sensei. At least we don't have to worry about missions too much. You can go on as many as you want while I stay in Konoha and work with Ibiki-sensei." I glanced at the clock. It was ten and I was tired so I decided to go to bed.

After slipping into the covers, about fifteen minutes passed when the booby traps by my door were set off. I tumbled up, sort of alert, and carefully clicked the light at my bedside. "Sai!" There is was, wrapped up in a web of nets, immobile. There were multiple kunai stuck in him because that was how thorough a booby trapper I was.

"Help," he whimpered.

"You scared the shit out of me!"

"Well, your booby traps scared me, as well."

I growled and began muttering as I started the project of untangling him. "Why were you coming in here anyway? I moved your bed to another part of the house because we both agreed it would be awkward if we were in the same room together while we were sleeping."

"I thought I would have nightmares."

I laughed. "No, seriously, why are you here?"

"I am serious." His cheeks turned a very distinct shade of pink. "After seeing that birthing video, I don't think I'll ever be the same again. I've seen some disturbing things, but that had to have been the most twisted thing I've ever witnessed." I raised my eyebrows. "How do women do it?"

"It's called having I high pain tolerance. Have you ever noticed that men complain about the pain if they just bite their tongue?" By now, all the nets were off and he and I were in the process of removing all the kunai.

"You did an excellent job with the booby traps, though. Anyone would have been trapped in them."

"Thanks. Here, let me get something you wrap those puncture wounds with."

Once that ordeal was over with, Sai asked a very embarrassing question: "Can I sleep with you?"

All the kunai I was holding clattered to the floor. "Excuse me," I choked out.

"I'll have nightmares otherwise. Can I sleep in bed with you?"

"Oh! That's what you meant! Sorry." _Kyoko! Don't think like that. He would never ask you something like that. Even Sai wouldn't go there._ "Sure, I guess." I knew it was a bad idea from the start, but my brain went a little…loopy after Sai's latest comment.

He slid right into the _one person bed _right next to me and I've never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I was screaming on the inside, wanting to bolt out the door. I didn't fall asleep until about three in the morning and that was just from pure exhaustion. That, and around midnight, he had started _cuddling_ with me. Sai! Cuddling! It was enough to drive me insane.

I was pouring myself coffee the next morning and Sai asked me why I looked so tired. I just chugged the coffee and headed towards an draining work day.

**Sai**

I walked in and dinner was ready. The reason this was such an odd thing was because I was usually home before Kyoko was. But there she was, our dinner was on the table, and it appeared it had all been ready just seconds before my arrival. Of course, my immediate thought was…. "Kyoko, did you get fired?"

"No! I interrogated someone today, so Ibiki decided to give me the afternoon off because I did a good job. In fact, I'm up for a raise, and if I decide to stick with it, a promotion."

"Oh." We sat down, and I tentatively began nibbling her cooking. It turned out to be really good. "Wow, Kyoko, your cooking is quite excellent."

Her face turned a little red for some reason. "Uh, thanks." I decided that from now on, I was going to be a gentleman to Kyoko. She was actually a lot nicer than I thought and she would explain when I was being rude and tried to help me understand certain customs.

Throughout the next week I began holding doors open for her and being as polite as possible: a perfect gentleman.

**Kyoko**

Saya was walking with me as I headed home from work. She was going to be having dinner with Sai and I that night because Kiba was out trying to get Shino a date with some girl. I felt my face getting redder and redder with every step towards my house because there was something I really needed to ask Saya. But, I knew that if I ever asked her, that she would never let me live it down.

"What is it, Kyoko? You always get fidgety when you want to ask something."

"I kind of want to ask this guy out, and I don't know how to do it." I thought I was going to have a heat stroke with how hot my face was.

Saya's face took on an evil quality and then she began spinning me in a trachea crushing hug. "My little Kyoko is finally growing up! I'm so proud of you!" she squealed. "Just the other day, I was wondering if you were a lesbian, but here you are wanting to go on a date with a boy! Okay, girlfriend, who is it?"

"Sai," I muttered.

"Huh?" Little question marks dangled around her head. "I thought he was a jerk."

"Well, he was… but it was only because he was socially clueless! Lately, he has been so nice! He's been complimenting me, and holding doors open, and well, I feel good when I'm around him. Don't get me wrong, he's still a little on the funny side, but he can be sweet sometimes." I was looking down at my feet at this point.

"You should write a romantic anonymous love letter!"

"What's the point, if it's going to be anonymous? Then he won't know that it's me."

"You're so negative Kyoko, but you're right. Plan B…" She babbled on and on while I made dinner. (Sai wasn't home yet because his mission would run a little later today.) Finally, I just stopped her.

"Saya, every one of your ideas is less practical than the last. I think I'll just say simple and tell him that I have feelings for him. That should work, especially considering it's Sai."

"Just listen to this idea, it's a really good one! So, what you do is, you get your hands on a giant mongoose, and then you…"

Dinner went off without a hitch. (That was a miracle.) Plus, Sai didn't even say one rude thing throughout the entire night. He was improving every day and it made me feel happy inside that one day he might actually be able to understand the proper way to socialize with people.

The next day, I took a deep breath and walked up to Sai. "Neither of us have to work today, so how about we go somewhere? Anyplace in mind?"

"Sure. How about the park? I like drawing the ducks." Ducks were a rather odd thing to enjoy drawing, but I wasn't thinking about that. I was just trying to get my nerve up to admit my feelings for him.

We walked along the little pathways, and eventually he chose a bench, took out his art supplies, and went to work. I supposed that this was as good a time as any. "Sai, I need to tell you something."

"Can I ask you something first?"

"Um, sure." Was he going to ask if I had feelings for him? It was like a scene out of those cheesy young adult romance novels that Saya loved so much.

"Do you think your friend Saya likes me? You, know, likes me, likes me?"

The entire world seemed to stop spinning, but I couldn't just sit there and do nothing, so I just said, "She has a boyfriend."

"Well, do I have a chance?"

"I don't know, she has a boyfriend and she really likes him. Sorry. Oh no," I said monotonously. "I forgot that there's something I have to get for Ibiki-sensei. I have to leave and do that."

He looked a little disappointed but said, "Okay, see you later, Kyoko-san."

"See, you later, Sai-kun." I turned around and I could already feel the tears threatening in my eyes. I couldn't let him see me cry. I couldn't let him see me cry. I began running towards the practice grounds, looking for one that wasn't inhabited, hoping that no one would see me cry.

I was sprinting now, past I don't know how many people, one of them was Kakashi-sensei. "Kyoko, what's wrong?" I ignored him and made it to one of the practice grounds. I ran up into a tree and just let it all out, but still tried to be as quiet as possible. This was private and I didn't need anyone intuding.


	7. The Problem With Kai and Saya

I sighed as I began walking back towards Konoha. I couldn't remember the last time I had cried that much, or, for that matter, the last time I had let myself feel anything other than friendship towards a member of the opposite gender. Coincidentally, I passed Kai's house as I was wandering aimlessly, and I saw his dad on the porch, getting ready to go somewhere. "Hello, Kyoko!" He waved amiably. Before this recent incident, my face had been a common site in his living room. "Are you headed to the hospital, too?"

"Why would I be going there, unless it's to see my dad?"

"Oh, didn't you hear? Mika just had the baby."

"Well, then, in that case I better get my ass over there to pound the cold feet right out of Kai."

He laughed. "I thought you would say something like that. You know, you're the only person he ever listens to."

"I doubt it's me he's listening to. I think it's my tactics."

"Well, either way." He smiled kindly at me. Kai's dad had always been really nice and happy, unwilling to complain about anything. Now if only Kai could take on some of those qualities… "Would you like to walk with me there?"

I remembered that I had to pick up the fake baby from my aunt's house, so I politely declined his offer, but told him I would be at the hospital as soon as humanly possible. I paused, though, as I was heading to my aunt's house. Why bring the baby to the hospital? It would just make noise and get funny stares from all the people within earshot. I decided then, that Sai had better pick the baby up from my aunt's house, but the last thing I wanted was for him to see me now. It wasn't his fault he didn't like me, however, it still hurt and I needed just a little more time to compose myself. To my surprise, I saw Shino lurking nearby. Shino would make an adequate messenger, I guess. I would just have to get over the creeps he gave me for a few minutes.

"Hey, Shino!" I waved and him and strolled over. "I need to ask you something."

"Before you say anything, Kyoko-san, there is something I need to tell you."

"No need to be so formal…"

"No. This must be done. I'm afraid I can't reciprocate your feelings for me."

"Huh? What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm aware that you harbor romantic feelings for me, but as I said, I'm afraid I can't reciprocate. You're not my type. I want you to know that it's not you, it's me."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who _ever_ said that I had feelings for you? I don't."

"You don't need to be embarrassed, Kyoko, these things happen - "

"I'm not embarrassed, because I never had any feeling for you, Shino. I have feelings for…someone else. Look, whoever told you that I had a crush on you is mistaken."

"But why would your best friend lie about something like that?"

"_Saya _told you I have a crush on you?" He nodded, and I face-palmed. I shouldn't have been surprised - this was exactly the type of thing she would do - but as always, I underestimated the power of Saya's idiotic match-making. "Shino, something you need to know about Saya is that she does really stupid things, trying to play matchmaker. I don't like you in that way, trust me." He seemed like he didn't completely believe me, but was willing to go along with it. "Now, I was about to ask if you could pass a message along to Sai for me. I can't pick up our doll from its babysitter, so Sai needs to. Here's the address," I handed him a sheet of paper, "So if you could give this and the message to him, that would be great." Saya would be at the hospital, and I intended for her to pay for what she told Shino. I was going to take advantage of Saya's phobias.

I arrived at the hospital and eventually found Kai hiding in an abandoned hallway. My eyes narrowed, dangerously and I huffed over to Kai. "And why the hell are you not with Mika and your baby?"

He flinched when he saw my face and little beads of sweat formed on his face. "She thinks I'm at the cafeteria getting something to eat. I just needed some time alone."

"You had better not think for one minute that you are going to escape this, or I will smack you so hard that I will leave a scar in the shape of my hand on your face."

"I know." He collapsed in a chair, exhausted.

"Okay, whatever you want to talk about, I'm listening."

"I really don't want to be a father, Kyoko."

"Well, then, you should have used protection."

"Don't remind me. Look, I understand that it was an accident, but from the moment Mika found out she was pregnant, I didn't get a say anymore. I suggest she gets an abortion, she says it's not happening. I go along with her decision for that, and suggest she put the baby up for adoption, and it's another big fat 'no'. Am I wrong to want her to even _consider_ what I want? What girls don't get is that when they get pregnant, the father feels absolutely helpless. The woman gets all the say, and they don't care what we think, what we want. I realize that we're not the ones who get pregnant, but that's still our children the women carry, and I just wish I had a little more power."

"You don't want any responsibility."

"Yes! I'll admit it! I'm not ready to be a father and take on that huge amount of responsibility! Mika thinks she's ready to be a parent, but she's not any more responsible than I am. I think that if we're the parents of that baby, we'll completely screw the kid up, because _we're_ still kids."

"That's a very mature analysis, Kai. And believe it or not, I'm on your side. The two of you have no business being parents. I've talked to Mika a couple of times about adoption, but she hasn't really budged on the idea. However, whatever Mika decides, you'll have to go along with it. Because you're right, the men don't really get much of a say."

"Why do I have to play house with her, Kyoko? I'm not in love with her, and I never have been."

"I'm sorry. I know your situation sucks, but then again, life sucks." I went up to him then and gave him the hug that he needed really badly. "Talk to her, and really try to sell adoption. I'll talk to her, too." He rushed off to plead his case and I tried to find Saya to exact my revenge for my earlier humiliation.

I found Saya congratulating Kai on his way to talk to Mika, and dragged her over to an empty room. "Why did you tell Shino that I had a crush on him!"

"Oh! I forgot about that!"

"It was last week."

"And? I was too caught up in your juicy romance with Sai!"

I pulled my weapon out of my bag, and tackled her shoving it in her face. "Are these?" she asked, tears forming in her eyes.

"They are. Kai's sweaty workout socks." She began crying from the disgusting smell of Kai's sweaty feet. "And there's worse." I took out a jar of dirt and began rubbing it in her face and hair while she was pinned under me. After less than five minutes, I decided she had had enough. After all, it was Saya's worst nightmare not to look perfect. And now, with dirt smeared all over her face, smelling like sweaty feet, she was in her own personal hell.

"I hate you, Kyoko." Her lower lip stuck out as she pouted.

"No you don't, and you know it."

"Fine. I'm sorry I told Shino, and forgot about it." Then she remembered that I was going to talk to Sai that morning. "So how'd it go between you and Sai? Did you make out passionately? Did you lose your virginity in a steamy way?"

"Saya. I'm sometimes concerned by the way your mind works. But, no, nothing happened between us. Before I got a chance to tell him I have feelings, he asked me if you were interested in him."

"What?" She looked genuinely horrified.

"I don't see why you're so shocked, Saya. I'm just not the type of girl that guys fall for, and I came to terms with that a long time ago."

Her pretty, perfect little face looked like it was about to cry. "Don't say that Kyoko! You're the most amazing person I know! Any boy would be lucky to have you as a girlfriend. And don't you dare pretend that you're not hurt by this. I know that you must be feeling awful right now."

"I'm really not." But Saya saw right through my façade, as best friends tend to do.

"I'm sorry, Kyoko."

"Thanks."

* * *

I was walking towards the room Mika was in, when I saw Sai standing with Kai, holding the baby doll. "Sai! What are you doing here?"

"Shino said he saw you walk into the hospital and I wanted to make sure you weren't dying or something. Instead, I realized you were here to support your irresponsible friend." Kai glared, but didn't argue, because Sai was right, Kai was irresponsible.

"I have to go talk to Mika, now, so you boys try not to kill each other, okay?"

**Sai**

Kai was staring oddly at Kyoko while she was in the room talking to the blonde girl. "Why are you staring at Kyoko? Is something wrong with her?"

"No," he sighed wistfully. "The exact opposite."

"I don't understand what you mean."

"I've had a crush on Kyoko since I was five. In fact, the only reason I became a shinobi was so I could impress her."

I was confused. I could understand why someone would like Kyoko as a friend, she could be a nice person sometimes, but I personally didn't think she had a single shred of sex appeal. "You must have poor taste in women."

"Why do you say that? You have to look a little beyond looks if you want to find a serious relationship. Besides, she has the most beautiful eyes."

"If you've been in love with her so long, then why'd you have sex with the idiot blonde?"

"Because Kyoko will never think of me as more than a friend. I'm just not her type."

"Oh. I've always had a sneaking suspicion she might be a lesbian."

"SHE'S NOT A LESBIAN!" Heads turned to look at us funny and I think the hospital staff were considering kicking us out. "You know the saying 'nice guys finish last'?" I nodded. The phrase had been mentioned a couple times in the book I was reading. "Well, it's not true, the nice guys end up with girls like Kyoko, who have a lot more common sense than other girls. I'm not always the nicest guy, so she won't choose me."

"I would think that someone who never got asked out would jump at the chance to go on a date with someone."

"Not Kyoko. She's not the desperate kind of girl that throws herself at people. And one day, some nice guy is going to realize this and see her for the gem she is."

"You don't sound like a seventeen-year-old."

"I'm irresponsible, not immature."

"Okay. Well, now that I know Kyoko isn't dead, I'll be heading back to our house." Kai glared at me jealously, but I honestly didn't understand what he was so jealous of. Kyoko was a good friend, but I would never think of her as anything more.

When I stepped outside of the hospital, I was accosted by someone. I couldn't fight them with the stupid doll in my hands, and if anything happened to the doll and we failed sex ed, Kyoko might literally murder me. I pulled out a kunai, only to see it was Kyoko's attractive friend Saya. "Hi." I was actually happy to see her. Now I could ask her if she liked me.

"Sai, are you gay?"

She thought I was gay? Maybe that was why she was with Kiba, and not me. "No, I'm not, which is why -"

"Sai, if you're not gay, then why don't you find my Kyoko attractive?"

"I just don't. I think that you're very pretty, though."

"I have a boyfriend. Look, Sai, what you need to know about Kyoko is that she is the most awesome person to ever have existed, you hear me? So maybe you should reconsider your thoughts about whether or not she is pretty, because otherwise, someone might end up getting hurt. She smiled sweetly, then, and skipped off, leaving me.

Why was it everyone seemed to take it personally when I said I didn't find Kyoko attractive? Besides, I still had a sneaking suspicion, despite Kai's assurances, that Kyoko was a lesbian. Maybe I should ask Sakura for advice. After all, she should know all about the female gender, even though she doesn't look very feminine.

**Author's Note: I am very aware that Kai sounds like an ass. And that, dear readers, is because he **_**is**_** an ass. As always, please review and today I have a specific request. Recently I was reading a different fanfiction when someone asked their readers to draw their OC and post on deviantart. I thought to myself 'this is a great idea!' Because I am a terrible artist and would love to see Saya and Kyoko brought to life on paper, I am now asking if anyone with a deviantart account would be willing to draw my OC's (Maybe even Kai.). If you are, please tell me. Thanks for reading!**


	8. Saya's Plan

**Sai's P.O.V.**

I casually walked towards the house that Sakura shared with Lee. I knew that Kyoko was not very well versed in the ways of women, considering she was barely a woman herself, and so I was going to seek the sage advice of Sakura. While she looked like a hag, and had in some ways taken on the habits of one, deep inside she was indeed female. If anyone could help me win the heart of Saya, it was Sakura.

When I arrived at the small house, I knocked politely on the door. I saw a pink head peek through the door and give me an extremely disappointed look. "I thought you were Lee," she muttered.

"But I look nothing like that spandex-clad idiot," I replied happily.

"Never mind. What do you want, Sai?"

"Sakura, I have come to seek your advice with lady problems."

Her eyes suddenly lit up with a life that had been missing since she and Lee had been 'given the youthful privilege of caring for triplets', as Lee had liked to put it. "Only if you help me get someone to take care of the dolls," she begged desperately. "I have done nothing but take of the crying demons since we got them, and Lee has done _nothing _to help."

Then it occurred to me that Kyoko had this afternoon off, and by now she was probably back at the apartment. I helped Sakura take the dolls to the house he shared with Kyoko, where I found my partner sitting at the table immersed in the project she would be starting the next day with Ibiki. "Kyoko."

She glanced up from her work with a flushed and oddly hopeful look on her face. "Yes?"

"I need you to take care of Lee and Sakura's triplets for a couple hours. Oh, and I need some cash too."

"Why?" she asked suspiciously.

"I'm taking Sakura to Shiori's Café."

Kyoko, for some reason, looked crushed for a moment, before her face took on a neutral expression that was actually a little terrifying. "Sure," she muttered. She gave me the money and took the triplets.

"Kyoko, you are the best friend a person could ever have." At this, she smiled a little, but still stole a defeated glance at Sakura.

"What's wrong?" asked Sakura.

I was a little sad to hear that I hadn't picked up on the expressions on Kyoko's face. As her friend and partner, I would have to be more observant in the future. "Something's wrong? Don't tell me that Mika is going to keep the baby. That would be something to be sad about, as she is clearly an unfit mother."

"Why would you say that, Sai?" Sakura may be able to memorize facts out of a book, but that did not seem to mean that she was smart – she lacked logic.

"Sakura, if she is not smart enough to remember birth control, think of all the other things she may not be smart enough to remember. When you have a baby, there is a lot of really important stuff you need to remember," I explained.

"It doesn't matter anyway," said Kyoko. "I convinced her, and today she's going to start looking at prospective parents."

"What reason would you have to be upset then?"

"It's personal," she sighed. "You two go ahead; I have a lot of work I have to get done tonight."

* * *

Sakura and I sat quietly in Shiori's Café devising a plan for my valiant crusade for Saya. "You said she has a boyfriend, right?" I nodded. "Then, that makes matters a little more complicated. There are lines you cannot cross when a girl has a boyfriend. Get a list of things she likes from Kyoko and put together a bunch of grand gestures that say 'I care about you'."

"I should paint a portrait of her. Girls like that, right?"

Sakura nodded affirmatively. "That would work excellently." She paused and gave me a serious look. "How does Kyoko feel about you and Saya dating?"

"She says that I should give up, and that Saya and I wouldn't make a good couple anyway."

"First of all, I think you should put a little more stock by Kyoko's opinion because she knows both of you personally and probably knows whether or not you are compatible. Secondly, in the event that you and Saya start dating be sure not to do anything that would hurt your friendship with Kyoko, because it's the type of thing you'll regret."

"You mean like you and Ino?" he asked. Normally, Sakura probably would have punched someone for that comment, but because Sai was so socially inept, and because he had freed her from the demon dolls, she would let it slide this time.

"Yes, like me and Ino," she replied flatly. "The last thing I have to say is to be even nicer to Kyoko." What she said next she whispered very quietly. "I heard from Kakashi-sensei that she was crying this morning."

I shrugged. "Girls cry."

"Not Kyoko. Nobody saw her cry when her dad was put into a coma, although I'm sure she probably cried later when no one was looking, so keep in mind that it's probably something huge that's bothering her. Try not to make even more upset, if you are even capable of that." Looking me up and down she decided, "In fact, you probably shouldn't talk to her, if you can help it."

Later, when I got back to our house, Kyoko was already asleep, even though it was too early for a teenager to go to bed in my opinion. I personally still had hours before I had to go to bed. So, I gave a morose Sakura back her triplets, drew a lovely portrait of Saya, and headed over to her house. Thankfully, Kiba wasn't there, which gave me plenty of privacy to woo Saya.

At first, she looked really angry when I handed her the portrait, but then she calmed down and thanked me. "In fact, Sai, as a thank you for drawing the portrait, would you go on a date with me?"

Mission accomplished. "That's great. I'll pick you up tomorrow night at 7:00. Wait, what about your boyfriend?"

"Oh, don't worry about him."

As I walked away, had I been more observant, I may have noticed the devious gleam in Saya's eyes, or heard her whisper, "After this date, Sai won't be infatuated with me anymore. You're welcome, Kyoko."

* * *

I had brought flowers for the date, just as Sakura had suggested, but Saya didn't seem to notice them and breezed right past me in the direction of Shiori's Café. In fact, I had to jog to keep up with her, and I couldn't fathom how she managed to go at this pace in the tall heels she had changed into for the date.

Unfortunately, matters only got worse. Throughout the date, I hardly managed to get three words in, which I normally wouldn't have minded too much were it not for the subject matter of what Saya was talking about.

"Well, you see I got my first period when I was twelve years old…"

It was enough to drive a person insane. Plus, to make matters worse, she made the most disgusting sounds when she was eating, and didn't close her mouth. To sum up her table manners, they were worse than Naruto's.

However, I pressed on; after all, this was the girl I had been attracted to since I first saw her in the classroom. "So Saya –"

"Did you just interrupt me? Oh, you are just like every other man out there. You don't care about my traumatic personal experiences, you don't care about listening to my top one thousand favorite songs ever, nor do you care about hearing me recant the romantic story of The Star-crossed Lovers verbatim. You know what, Sai? I don't think this is going to work out." With that, she stormed out of the Café, leaving me sitting there very confused. Maybe Kyoko had been right.

* * *

The next day went as most days went for me: I said goodbye to Kyoko as I headed to work, and then I went on an obnoxiously easy mission with Sakura and Naruto, which ended up lasting a couple days. I had to tell Sakura about the shocking revelation that Saya was a crazy bitch.

"I honestly have no idea how Kyoko puts up with her as a teammate, nevertheless as her best friend. I thought Kyoko wasn't a patient person, but I now have a much larger respect for her than I previously thought possible." I sighed. "Now I don't know what to do with my free time besides draw and take care of our doll."

"Did you ever figure out what had upset Kyoko?" Sakura asked conspicuously.

"No, I was too busy trying to prepare for the date, which was a catastrophe." I now also felt really bad for Kiba, who had dated Saya for a while.

"Well, talk to her about it, and make sure she tells you."

"You're acting strange, Sakura. Do you know what's wrong?"

"Yes. Kyoko didn't tell me, but my woman's intuition made the situation quite clear."

"Then tell me what's wrong and I'll talk about it with Kyoko. I'm her closest friend who can actually remedy the situation. Kai is irresponsible, and Saya is crazy, and refuses to listen to other people."

"She needs to tell you herself, Sai. Besides the fact that it wouldn't be decent to tell you personal information about Kyoko, there's also the fact that she would probably kill me if I told you. She's very sensitive about personal matters, even if she doesn't always show it."

"See, Sakura, this is why I ask you about girls and socializing. You need to tell me. Otherwise, I will be sure to keep Lee occupied into the wee hours in the morning, and you will be stuck with the three doll demons for the duration of this exercise. We still have weeks and weeks ahead of us, Sakura," I fiendishly reminded her.

She gazed at me, gauging whether or not I would follow through with my threat and determined that I was dead serious. "Fine. I'll tell you half of the information. Kyoko has romantic feelings for a boy that he doesn't share for her."

I stared blankly at her. "I can't help with that at all. Therefore, I still intend to make Lee my best friend on the mission to make you miserable, Hag."

She glared and we had a stare down, which I clearly emerged victorious from. Finally, she gave in. "Kyoko cares about you, Sai."

It was as if the entire world as I knew it had fallen apart. Kyoko had romantic feelings for me? It was as if someone had told me that Naruto no longer liked Ramen, or that the Akatsuki had stopped their plans and were now opening an orphanage for underprivileged children, or that gravity wasn't real. None of this seemed possible. "That's not possible, Sakura. Kyoko has made her distaste for me very clear."

"No, you're wrong there. Maybe Kyoko didn't like you at first, but have you noticed that lately she's been willing to do the most awful favors for you, including babysitting the demon doll trio, and lending you money."

She was right. Kyoko would never have done that for me before, but now Kyoko did a lot of nice things for me, although she grumbled while doing them. Her personality hadn't changed, she was still Kyoko, but she had been going out of her way to be nice to me. "Sakura, I don't know if I feel that way about Kyoko."

"Well, figure it out soon. Otherwise, Kyoko is going to end up hurt and I'm sure she's seething after your date with Saya."

Sure, Kyoko could be nice, but she seemed to have a lot more flaws than good qualities. She wasn't very pretty, she had a temper, and she was a perfectionist and with her, everything had to happen on schedule.

But then, when I thought about it, I began to remember the good qualities that Kyoko possessed. She was willing to at least try and explain some social things to me and she seemed to surround herself with people who weren't perfect and made mistakes left and right. She put all she had into everything she did. I began to realize that maybe Kyoko was special, and worth at least one date. If nothing else, it couldn't be any worse than my date with Saya.

We arrived back at Konoha and I went straight to the house I shared with Kyoko. It was empty, but then again, maybe Kyoko had been held up at work. It was a possibility. The light in the house began to fade as the hour got later, and Kyoko still hadn't arrived.

Since the matter I needed to discuss with her was so urgent, I thought maybe I could find her at work. I swung by Ibiki's office and asked for Kyoko.

Darkness swept over his face. "She didn't come into work today, or yesterday for that matter. I'm concerned." His face remained neutral, and Sai came to the conclusion that Kyoko had learned a thing or two from her sensei. "You must be aware by now that Kyoko prides herself on punctuality and being trustworthy. She hasn't missed a day since she first started working for me. Do you have any idea where she is?" I shook my head. "I think we should file a missing person report. Here." He handed me the phone. "Call her friends and if we can't find her in an hour, I'm filing the report."

Nobody managed to find Kyoko.

* * *

**Kyoko's P.O.V.**

I stared at the cloaked figures as they argued amongst themselves.

"You got the wrong girl, you morons."

"What are you talking about? I saw her talking with Naruto earlier today."

"That doesn't mean she's the friend, nor was she the target. You were supposed to pick up a girl with pink hair and green eyes. Does that hair look pink to you?"

The man in the black cloak with red clouds glared at Kyoko. This could not be good.

**Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait, and I won't give any excuses. Just please review, that is if anyone is still reading this story.**


	9. There's Something Strange about Itachi

**Kyoko's P.O.V.**

The cloaked figures had been arguing about what to do with me for a couple of hours, now, and had not yet come to a unanimous decision. One of the ideas still up on the table was simply killing me – this idea being my least favorite for obvious reasons. From what I could understand, they had wanted to lure Naruto here because he was something called a jinchuriki. They had believed, by kidnapping a friend of his, they could lure him here and capture him. Obviously, they had intended to seize Sakura, and not myself.

"Releasing her is out of the question: she would alert all of Konoha about our plans."

"If you had shut her away in a cell, as I suggested earlier, then that wouldn't be a problem."

"We bound and gagged her, but we didn't cover her eyes; that was a stupid move. Was that _your _bright idea, Hidan?"

"Shut the fuck up! Kakuzu was the one who fucking captured her! She didn't give us much of a fight, unlike the rest of the Konoha brats." I cringed at how loud the man with the scythe, Hidan, was. He had been every bit as loud when he and the other man had originally taken her.

"Maybe," the man named Kakuzu suggested, "we could offer a ransom for her. Although, given her age and the fact that she gave up very easily, it's probably unlikely."

The man who was obviously in charge of everything sighed, exasperated with the incompetence of his allies. "For now, we will keep her in a cell. You said that you saw her talk briefly with Naruto?" Hidan and Kakuzu nodded. "Maybe they know each other well enough that he will come looking for her. In any case, Hidan and Kakuzu, I want you to return to Konoha and capture the girl with the pink hair. We can also keep that ransom idea in mind. She may not be a very high level ninja, being only a chunin, but she seems to have achieved a very high rank in the interrogation squad."

One of the shorter figures in the room added to the idea for my ransom. "If I know Ibiki, he will want her back alive."

With that, I was led to a cell, still bound and gagged, and left there until someone came to rescue either myself or Sakura. As pathetic as it sounded, I severely hoped that someone came for me and me alone. I knew for sure that Saya would, but I had little faith in her ability to find, and rescue me. I was sorely dubious she would even be capable of doing the former.

With all the free time that I had, I tried to identify what was so special about Naruto; I had always considered him to be an incapable moron. However, he must be valuable in some way or another. Otherwise, this organization wouldn't bother with him. Where was Sai when you needed him? He may be a clueless asshole, but you could always count on him in a fight. Plus, I hated to admit it, but most of my combat skills were rusty at best: being in interrogation for a few months did no help in that department.

It seemed even my current bleak situation couldn't take my mind off the dark-haired boy. That didn't mean that it couldn't be used to my advantage, though. I took it upon myself to use this time to try and get over Sai. Considering his people skills, it didn't appear to be a daunting task. At least, that's what I thought.

It confounded me, but I really did connect with Sai. I felt, with some more lessons on how to interact with people, he really could get better. He already had showed excellent improvement. To be honest, I wasn't much better at socialization than the boy who had spent his entire life in ANBU.

* * *

**Sai's P.O.V.**

In all my years in ANBU, going on dangerous missions, I had never felt as scared as when I realized that Kyoko was missing. After Ibiki filed the missing person's report, I had no idea what to do, and I felt entirely powerless. Kyoko could be anywhere, and I had no idea where to start. So, because I didn't know what to do, I filled my time with wandering dejectedly around Konoha.

I had never realized how much I would miss Kyoko until she was gone. I missed the disapproving, responsible looks she gave people, and I missed her pretty violet eyes. I even missed her groundhog colored hair and the extra fat that tended to cling to her hips and thighs. Plus, I wasn't much of a cook, and bad food prepared by yourself tastes even worse after over a month of Kyoko's gourmet cooking.

As I was about to go to back to the empty house Kyoko and I had shared, I was rammed into by an incomprehensible Naruto. He was speaking so fast that it sounded lick gibberish. "Naruto, I am not in the mood for you right now. Oh, and if you want to talk to people, you need to speak clearly so that they can understand you."

I was about to walk away when Naruto finally got a hold of himself. "Sai, I know where Kyoko-san is!"

I whipped my head around, ready to help her in whatever way possible. "Where?"

"The Akatsuki have her. They told me where they are."

"Naruto, it's clearly a trap. I'll go with a few others, but you shouldn't come."

"Sai, we're friends, and if you're going to save your girlfriend, then I'm coming with you."

"We aren't dating yet, and that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, Naruto-kun. There is no need for you to give the Akatsuki what they want."

"I'm still going anyway," he said with his typical Naruto smirk.

A small group of us headed towards the caverns that the Akatsuki described in their letter to Naruto.

* * *

**Kyoko's P.O.V.**

As I was sitting alone in the room, I heard a small tap on the door and received a visitor. It was the man who had mentioned Ibiki earlier, and who I now recognized as the missing nin, Uchiha Itachi. Surprisingly, he wasn't glaring at me and, in fact, his features looked almost soft and caring. _Almost. _He removed my gag. "You do know Uzumaki Naruto, don't you?"

"A little. No more than any other ninja. He's a friend of a friend."

"Would he come to rescue you?"

I thought about it for a moment, and remembered what people had told me about Naruto. "It's a distinct possibility."

"We decided to leave your fate up to a vote. The majority decided that it would be best to kill you. Believe it or not, Kakuzu had a strong case against your murder, but the majority won out anyway. I volunteered to kill you myself." He gauged my reaction. "I'm surprised that you haven't made an effort to escape," he remarked.

"Originally, I didn't do anything because I figured my chances of living were much better if I allowed myself to be captured. Hidan made the Akatsuki's intentions not to kill me very clear from the beginning. He really is a loudmouth for belonging to such a secretive organization. Apart from that, I know that I am completely incapable of fighting off the entire Akatsuki?"

While I was talking, the missing nin had slowly shuffled behind me. "Are you capable of stealth?"

"What?" I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of death, especially the brand that the notorious Uchiha Itachi would dish out. However, he didn't take my life, he spared it.

He was untying my bonds. "I see no reason to kill you, and I hope that you are capable of sneaking out of the hideout, because I had a meeting to attend. And, a little advice for future reference: never give up without a fight. If you do, then you're just selling yourself short."

"Why are you letting me go?"

"I have my reasons," he replied mysteriously.

He left the room in a hurry, leaving me to my own devices. I peeked my head out, and painstakingly tried to make my way out of the hideout.

**Author's Note: Here's a drawing of Kyoko and Saya that was drawn by a reader. While I'm extremely embarrassed to say this, I forgot who it was. (Sorry. I am such a scatter brain.) Anyway, here's the link, and if the author would please remind me who they are, I will be sure to mention them in my author's note next chapter. **

** ?qh=§ion;=&q=stuck+with+sai%3A+saya+and+kyoko#/d48kmsw**

**I am also away that I may have accidentally forgotten about other people who have offered to draw the characters. If I have done that to you, please remind me. (Again, sorry. I honestly have no idea how I have gotten this far in life, given how big a scatter brain I am.)**


	10. Self Sacrifice Sucks

Sneaking through the Akatsuki hideout was no easy task, but I was faring well insofar. However, I had to use my camouflage technique when Hidan passed me in the hallway. (I had learned the technique once when I had a mission in Iwagakure. Had he been paying more attention, he probably would have noticed me, but he was too busy muttering curse words concerning Kakuzu.

When I finally reached the entrance –thankfully with no Akatsuki in the surrounding area – I had to leave my comfort zone. The entrance I had managed to find was a large one that would make a great deal of noise if I opened it. So then I had to weigh my options. If I opened the door, I would most assuredly alert the entire hideout that I was leaving. But on the other hand, if I tried to find a different way out, there was every possibility that I would be captured anyway. In the end, I abandoned caution and every ounce of common sense I usually used and opened the door. (Maybe imitating Naruto every once and a while could pay off.)

The door made even more noise than I anticipated and as I escaped like a bat out of hell, I ran headfirst into Sai. My head felt light as I tried to maintain my bearings. This undoubted had something to do with the blood spurting out of my nose. "Sai!" I yelled with exasperation. "What are you doing here?" My voice had risen about two octaves about my normal range, which was what tended to happen whenever I came within about ten meters of Sai.

"I came to rescue you," he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and I had absolutely no reason to question it.

"Well, as you can see, I've managed to make it thus far on my own." I was secretly elated that he had come to rescue me, but I couldn't let him know that.

"You've alerted the entire Akatsuki of your departure. Now we're going to have to fight them."

It was only then that I noticed the other people from Konoha who had come to rescue me: Saya, Kai, Daichi-sensei, Ibiki, Sakura, Tenten, Neji, Lee, Naruto, and even Kakashi had come. "You all came?" Such a large team was impractical; Konoha didn't have the man power to risk so many lives on one person, and yet they had all come. I was stunned. I had never imagined that so many people in Konoha cared enough to risk their lives on a rescue mission, and I almost felt like I could burst into tears – _almost._

"Just don't let yourselves be killed, alright?"

The Akatsuki began to slowly file out of the hideout, and were amazed to see so many citizens of Konoha lined up outside their door.

"Get behind me," said Sai. It was strange. Before, I had assumed that Sai thought of me as at least a competent shinobi.

"I'm fine," I huffed in a gruff manner.

He still looked worried but quickly turned towards the onslaught of missing nin coming towards us.

The battle was short, because after about half an hour, the Akatsuki quickly saw that there was no winning the battle. There were too many Konoha shinobi for them to take all at once. It was a win/win because had the battle continued for much longer both sides would have suffered losses.

During most of the battle, I was dodging Zetsu clones. I wasn't the fastest ninja in the world, but I was extremely flexible and durable, meaning I could bend my body in just about any direction I wanted and I had the distinct advantage of being able to fall without breaking any bones. It was my signature technique.

As the Akatsuki were retreating back into their hideout, Itachi looked me in the eye and I was momentarily put under his genjutsu.

We were sitting together in a very traditional-looking home – probably his childhood home. "I'm happy that you haven't suffered any grievous injuries during the battle, Kyoko-san."

"I'm not exactly dainty…"

"Well, I am glad nonetheless. I have a task for you, Kyoko-san, if you're willing to take it."

"What is the job?"

"I need to ensure that Sasuke does not tread too far down the wrong path. He is currently the apprentice of Orochimaru and I fear that he may not be able to come back from that road."

"I don't know Sasuke, how could I possibly bring him back to Konoha when even Naruto couldn't convince him to stay?"

"Your role is smaller than Naruto's. I need you to be a little self-sacrificing if Sasuke is to return."

"I'm not sure if I know what you mean." Now I was beginning to become concerned. I did _not_ want to become a martyr.

"It's simple. You must wait to enter a relationship with that boy – Sai. If you enter a relationship with him, he may stay in Konoha with you, when he should be by Naruto's side. He needs to stay by Naruto's side to protect Naruto. If Naruto is safe, then there is still hope for Sasuke. Please do this for me, Kyoko-san," he begged.

I didn't want to do what he asked, and I was a little concerned that he knew anything about my feeling for Sai, but Itachi had helped me escape the Akatsuki hideout and I owed him something. I guess that something had to be this small ounce of self-sacrifice. "Okay, I'll do it, but only as a thank you for saving my life."

He gave me a small but peaceful smile, and the genjutsu dissipated as the noisy world around me reappeared. "Kyoko, let's go!" someone called, and I followed them all into the forest.

* * *

Sai was in the hospital because his Achilles tendon had been severed during the battle. I would be helping him get home on his new crutches. We walked to his house in an awkward silence, hoping that the other would say something. Eventually, once we reached his house, he asked me if I wanted to come in, the first words of the night.

"I'm glad we passed the class," he said, as I made us some tea.

"Yeah," I replied lamely.

"Sakura told me that you had feelings for me." There, he had said it, and now I had to break his heart, just as he had broken mine, although I scarcely had the stomach for it. "Is it true," he asked.

"Yes, but we can't get involved right now, Sai."

His face fell just a little and he looked as close to crushed as I had ever seen him. "Why?"

"A lot of things are changing right now, and it's not just in Konoha, it's the entire world. The Akatsuki are going to try and capture Naruto again and again until they succeed, and he needs you to protect him, Sai. I can't get in the way. I want you to know though, that I've never cared about a person the way I care about you and that as soon as this entire mess is over and done with, I want to be together."

He stared at me for a few minutes, mulling over what I had said. "I've never felt this way before," he announced. "What does it mean when your throat is tight and you feel like you've been stabbed in the heart?"

"It's called being heartbroken, Sai, and I am experiencing the same thing right now."

"I can't imagine not seeing you every day, especially after you've taught me so much."

"I know," I whispered. "But, this had to be done." I stood up abruptly, and headed for the door, pausing at the door frame, yearning for him to say just one three-word phrase to me before I left.

"I'll miss you, Kyoko."

Well, it wasn't the phrase I was looking for, but it was better than nothing. "I'll miss you too, Sai."

"Are we in love?" he asked. "I never quite understood."

"I really do believe that we are."

It would be a long time before I saw Sai again.

**A/N: I know that this is a really short chapter, but this seemed like the best way to end it, however do not despair, dear readers, there is an epilogue yet to come to wrap things up. You will probably enjoy it. Anyway, I was looking at the last chapter I posted and I realized that the link to the drawing of Kyoko and Saya didn't copy correctly. A good link is on my profile, for those of you who would like to see the drawing. (It is very good.) To the artist of the drawing: once again, I ask that you remind me who you are so that I can credit you at the end of the epilogue.**


	11. Epilogue

**Sai**

It felt like it had been years since I had stepped foot in Konoha and the familiarity of all the sights and smells was oddly comforting.

The bloody shinobi war was over and we had been successful – mission accomplished. And yet, throughout every battle, despite the fact that she may not even be there, I worried that Kyoko would be hurt or killed in some way or another. Even now I still wasn't sure whether or not she had even once stepped foot on a battlefield. I had kept my word, though. I protected Naruto whenever I had the opportunity, preventing him from doing anything especially stupid. Now, with my promise to Kyoko fulfilled, I searched desperately throughout Konoha for her. Because, just as we had also promised each other before the war, we would try to be together once everything was said and done.

I tried to find her at her apartment, but nobody answered the door. For some reason, the restaurant her mother owned and operated was closed for the day, nobody home there, either. Now I stood, downtrodden in the busy streets of Konoha, debating whether or not to go to a bar and convince the bartender that I was of legal drinking age. Disappointment was still a very unusual and foreign emotion to me, and I struggled to find ways to cope with the feeling. However, before I became too engrossed in wallowing in my own depression, Naruto dragged me to the stupid ramen shop – Ichiraku – and forced me to order something with him as he swallowed bowl after bowl.

My own food was still left untouched, as my body ached and my stomach turned with failure and regret. Every possible scenario played out in my head. Maybe Kyoko had died in the war. Maybe she had fallen in love with someone else, leaving me alone and forgotten. Maybe Kai had convinced Kyoko to date him. Maybe he had gotten Kyoko pregnant, too. (No, I mentally chastised myself. Kyoko isn't that stupid.) Maybe Kyoko really was a lesbian. Maybe Kyoko and Saya were both lesbians – a though which, oddly enough, didn't distress me as much as the others.

While I was morosely staring at my ramen, I heard a distant, and very familiar voice shout "Grumpy-chan, you should buy those potato chips. They totally count as a vegetable."

To this, I heard the distinctive low voice of Kyoko carry though the crowd. "Saya, potato chips do NOT count as vegetables."

"Of course they do because potatoes are vegetables."

"Potatoes are complex carbohydrates."

"Don't be such a stick in the mud, grumpy-chan!"

Their voices faded along with all the other nightmare scenarios that I had played with inside my head. Kyoko was alright. She was alive and alright. A small, calm smile drew across my face.

I left Naruto behind with his ramen; he was so preoccupied with his food he wouldn't even notice that I was gone. The rest of the world seemed to recede around me as I soaked in Kyoko's face. Her skin seemed a little clearer, although I was probably just seeing things because I hadn't seen Kyoko in a long time. She had grown her hair out a little and the split ends, though still there, were not as noticeable as before. She could still stand to lose a little weight, but she had a really nice blue shirt on that hid the less than attractive shade of her hair. She wasn't perfect, but she was Kyoko.

Being especially sneaky, I flitted just behind her and said, "It's been a long time, Groundhog Girl."

Kyoko whirled around to face me and a smile danced across her face. "You're alive!"

"Of course I'm alive. I'm standing here aren't I?" I was suddenly caught off guard by a massive hug that Kyoko administered to me.

It was strange. I wouldn't think that she would feel comfortable hugging me, especially after we hadn't seen each other so long. But, the world is always surprising me, because it didn't feel like I had left at all. "I missed you," I said a little thickly. "Are we still…?"

She nodded.

The world seemed to open up. I didn't care what happened in the next ten or twenty years: if we broke up or stayed together. All I wanted right now was to ask Kyoko one thing. "We're still in love, right?"

"Of course we are. Hopefully, that doesn't change."

At that moment I felt the sudden inexplicable urge to kiss Kyoko. I typically got these types of things wrong, so I double-checked. "Would it be socially acceptable to kiss you right now?" I asked. She gave me a smile and nodded.

The books got kissing all wrong. I had read about the first kiss many times before but none of them had described it like this. Both of our bodies got extremely warm and a surge of heat seemed to been emanating from my torso. It may not have been the 'fireworks' described by the books, but it was a very pleasant sensation.

From somewhere, though I couldn't place it, I heard Saya shout "Finally!"

"You know that you're stuck with me now, right?" I asked Kyoko.

"Stuck with Sai?" she replied. "I think I can live with that."

**Author's Note:** I'm not so great at epilogues, but I hope that this one was satisfactory. Short and sweet. I want to thank you all for reading my story, as short as it is, and for those of you who have been here since chapter one a special kudos. As always please review, and I hope you enjoyed 'Stuck With Sai'.


End file.
